Monday, May 26, 2008 ++
Recently, I went to an out of town birthday celebration of a highschool friend. Kasama namin family nila and there were 4 of us galing sa barkada. But, the U.B.E (a.k.a ultimate bonding experience) was priceless.
And naisip namin na mature na ang barkada namin, since ang youngest namin ay 18 na! haha.
We talked about a lot of things. Isa na dun ung relationships. Typically, kahit papaano pag mga friends mo tipong may lovelife, eh mapressure ka din maghanap [kung wala kang boylet] at mapaisip kung bakit wala ka. Pero sa barkada namin, napag-usapan namin na it's not a big deal kasi tipong 2 lang sa amin ang may current relationship talaga. ay 3 pala. Nakalimutan ko. [Jean, magpakita ka na kasi sa amin.] So parang deadma lang kami.
Pero diba, pag iniisip mo you're getting older na, pero NBSB ka pa rin. Parang nauubos ung years mo looking. I have a friend na gusto na niyang magpakasal by the age of 25. She's turning 19 this year and in 6 years dapat makahanap na siya?
Sobrang intense man nitong sinasabi ko, but mapapaisip ka talaga. Actually, I'm having a hard time explaining what I really mean.
Wait, try ko ulit. Pinag-uusapan namin ng isa ko pang friend ko ung isang guy na gusto niya, and sobrang she's trying to have a decent conversation with him. Pero ang hirap daw kasi hindi good conversationalist. Then, biglang nabanggit niya na she really likes this guy kasi she can see herself with him in the future. It's like alam niyang may patutunguhan ung life nila.
Ang hirap nun diba? Sobrang layo na ng perspective niya. Pero if ako din naman, parang mas maganda ata na if may makilala ka na ngayon na future partner. Makasama mo talaga ng matagal, kesa pag mga tipong mid-20's ka na e dun ka pa lang kikilos.
Kasi for me, lahat ng tao sa pamilya ko [of legal age of course] meron silang lovelife. Hell, daig pa ako ng tatay ko na akala ko kasama ko sa singlehood.
A friend asked me if I find myself attractive. Natawa naman ako. Kasi parang feel ko, kung sumagot ba ako ng oo, mukha namang sobrang vain ko. Pag huminde naman ako it will look like na I have low self-esteem or what.
Sabi niya sa akin. Alam mo naman sa sarili mo na di ka maganda pero, you know for sure na di ka rin panget, but alam mo na attractive ka. May certain type/s ng opposite sex na alam mong kaya mong ma-attract.
Nasabi ko 'to kasi kahit papaano napapaisip din ako na... Panget ba ako?
Kasi somehow, kahit sabihin mong you're happy being single and you don't need to be in a relationship. Mapapaisip ka din minsan how does it feel to have someone, to be in love with someone.
I hope na somehow mature na tingin ko sa ganitong bagay e. I don't know how. Akala ko at the end of this entry kahit papaano malinaw na pag-iisip ko. Pero, di pa rin e. Sobrang dami ko talagang naiisip ngayon.
Well, I thought it would help if I write about it. Mas nagulo ata ako.
But, just to be clear. I think I can like you. I really do. Wala pa siya sa level na alam kong like talaga kita. Parang I know na makakasundo kita kahit umabot man lang sa pagiging friends.
But, I don't know. I just don't know. I'm confused.
Damn barbecues.
Labels: confused
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